Updated: Nov 8
I truly believe that there is an invisible thread - an energetic red thread that runs from and through the womb of every woman, I've always held this belief vaguely, like a subtle awareness that was so deep in my subconscious that I was as unaware of it as I am of the belief that I need to breathe to live, it was something that just is. It was only when I made an offering of my physical womb to cancer that I became truly, viscerally aware of this thread. Suddenly, in the same way, we become very aware of our need to breathe when there isn’t enough air - I became deeply aware of my connection to and the need to heal my womb, not my physical womb; unfortunately, it was already too late for me to do that, but my Sacral Centre - my Cosmic Energetic Womb - She was only just beginning to reawaken.
After I lost my physical womb, I became more aware of the energetic sensations and connection I felt in my womb space or sacral centre - I suppose it was a little like losing one sense only to have others become stronger to compensate. I became very deeply aware of how my creative energy and ability to connect to the world around me shifted depending on the state of my sacral space. I also became more deeply committed to my calling to work with women and help others awaken the Sacred Feminine. I could and still can feel very consciously the red thread running from my womb back and forward through my own lineage and all those connected to me, and how a little thread spins off and is knotted onto the thread of all those I work with and connect with, like an infinite web of connection that eventually connects every womb, every woman who ever was and ever will be is a point of connection into this network, this Womb Web woven across all time and space.
And just like all webs, whether they be the spiders or the internet, information travels along the threads, from one woman to another through time, backwards and forwards, our stories, our joys, our love, our knowledge, our pain and our suffering is held and carried on and in this web.
Unfortunately, we have mostly forgotten this, there is definitely a reawakening, a Rising of the Feminine Tide, but we still have a very long way to go to truly fully remember who we are and where we came from - to recall that the universe is, was and always will be born from the Sacred Feminine - Sophia Ennoia - the silence before the thought, the infinite uncorrupted creative Feminine force.
As women, we have work to do, bloody, feet in the mud, sacred reclamation work. We have a collective duty to this planet (our Mother), our children, and to be honest to all life to heal our Womb and reactivate the creative power stored in the Sacral centres of the Feminine. This work is calling us to a deeper state of connection, to remembering who and what we are, to reclaiming the sacred rites and practices of the Feminine again, this is happening, I see it all around me, but at the same time and because the universe is always in perfect balance, I see also the push against it. I witness more and more the blatant attempts at utterly erasing and negating the Feminine, erasing the essence of what womanhood is and attempting to undermine the power and sacredness of the Womb.
None of this nonsense is new, we’ve collectively faced the attempted erasure of the Feminine since Pagan times, we’ve had at least 6000 - 8000 years of this crap, so the womb wounds run deep, real deep. This doesn’t mean we can’t heal them, though, and come back into awareness and reclamation of Sacred Sacral medicine of our Creatrix Muse power.
One of the first lessons or trials we face as women on our Heroine’s journey is gained through the need to seek safety in identifying with the masculine and seeking allies through this identification. As women, we do this because we live in a patriarchal consensus reality; our social, cultural and familial structures are predominantly, if not entirely, ruled by the masculine. So in an attempt to seek protection and garner favour with the masculine (I speak of course energetically and am not referring to men, but to the masculine energetically which in our social structures, for the most part, is embodied through the wounded masculine aspect, whether that be internally or externally), most women will begin to identify with the masculine at a fairly young age and often sacrifice aspects of herself to gain masculine allies. My belief is that we do this because of the collective feminine pain-body that is held within our womb or, as I call it, our Womb-Wound, the collective suffering of our lineages is a hell of a lot to bear and as we begin to mature and initiate into puberty and womanhood the weight of the trauma stored in our wombs is most often utterly overwhelming to a young girl just stepping into her Maidenhood.
Because in most of our modern social structures, we have for the most part lost and are disconnected from the Elders, the Mothers and Crones that would have guided a young girl through this journey in a more Feminine and supported manner, we turn to the only thing that seems to offer safety - The masculine. We hide our blood, we shame our bodies, we abuse and contort ourselves into unnatural shapes, we have no connection or understanding of our cycles and the power of our blood. We turn to toxic allopathic drugs and products that disrupt our natural cycles and further contort our endocrine and hormonal systems, the list of ways we abuse ourselves to make us more palatable to a patriarchal tongue is innumerable, I am sure as you read this a few of your own spring to mind, I know as I write it I can think of a long list of shame driven actions I took as a maiden and young woman to attempt to gain allies and identification with the masculine. I am still truly amazed by how disconnected most women are from their blood, moon cycles, and simple right to be.
So how do we access the medicine of the Creatrix Muse archetypes to help us reawaken and heal the chasm between our Hearts and our Hara (Womb)?
This healing and reawakening began for me almost a year after I lost my womb - although I don’t like to use the word lost, as that absolves me somehow, and I don’t really feel I deserve absolution in this case, I didn’t lose my womb, I manifested cancer and because I was still too broken, trauma guided, fear-driven, rage-filled and separated from my Sacred Feminine at the time to make a real and sovereign decision, I allowed a doctor to slice me open and take my womb from my body. This is a choice I have to live with, one that causes me immeasurable grief but also taught me probably the most important lesson of my life, that if I was going to live, to have a life worthy of living, I had to heal my separation from the Feminine, I had to come to terms with my own trauma and how I had stored so much rage and anger in my womb that it turned to cancer losing me a baby and my womb and almost my life in one fell swoop.
I found myself on the side of a mountain, half-naked, sitting on a sacred stone, with a very powerful being called Aok who is bound to a large stone formation in this very special place. We had walked up the mountain as many, but I was unaware anyone else was there. My awareness had shifted in a truly radical way; I felt as if I had taken a massive dose of mushrooms when, in fact, I had not taken any substance at all. It was purely the power of the Sacred Feminine and the place that had adjusted my consciousness to such an extreme extent - this experience also taught me that we certainly don’t need to take or consume any substance, be it plant or otherwise, in order to open the doors of perception.
Sitting within a snaking stone structure barely visible through the thick foliage around me, a great Jaguar woman appeared to me, she placed her hands on the scar that runs from hip to hip across my womb space. As she did this, I saw visions of lifetime after lifetime where this same wound had been inflicted upon me in innumerable different ways and on innumerable different bodies, but always the same wound, the cut across my womb, from hip to hip. The initial pain of witnessing this was torturous, and I know I was weeping loudly and uncontrollably. I am still grateful that the other women who were present had the awareness to leave me be or were deeply enough ingrained in their own experience to not disturb mine. The Jaguar Woman then told me that she was healing my womb, planting a seed in me, and making me pregnant. She told me that the woman I was, the one who came up the mountain, was dead now and that I was going down the mountain as a Jaguar Woman.
Coming down the mountain, I couldn’t speak for hours after. Literally, when I tried, only strange grunting, growl-like sounds came, and when I could finally use words again, the voice that came out was not my own, well, not one I had ever heard come out of my body before, the women who had accompanied me to this place probably thought I had lost my mind. I hadn't, though I was changed on a truly fundamental level by that Jaguar Woman, she untangled the threads that made up who I thought I was and wove me into something new, the experience on that mountain changed my life, it changed my being, I was never the same again. That experience sent me on a journey of remembering and reclaiming parts of myself that I had lost, not only in this lifetime but over many.
It was Ixchel that I met on that mountain, and she has been a constant guide and companion to me since that day. Ixchel taught me that I am the weaver of my destiny, she teaches me how to pull that red thread from my womb, my Sacred Sacral and weave my world into being with it, she teaches me how to be soft water and flow when I want to be fire and rage, she teaches me how to track and find the lost soul parts that are still yearning to return, to navigate the shadow and dissolve into the light, she opens my rainbow bridge and awakens the creatrix muse within me.
Around the same time, I met Mama Cacao, I had attended Cacao Ceremonies before and enjoyed them and benefited from them, but when I met her, truly met her, she too changed my life. She showed me how to open a channel of communication between my Heart and my Hara and how to create from a Feminine Heart centred place. Mama Cacao creates the container, the vessel in which I now work, her playful sensuality reminding me that my womb can be a place of joy and not only a centre of scared rage. When the world seems utterly lost and overwhelming, she holds my Heart and reminds me of the power of the Mothers. She reminds me that she has come and is weaving her medicine through the Hearts and minds of men because they have forgotten their Mother, she shows me the openness of her enormous Heart, her utter fearlessness and sensual joy, and I cannot help but feel hopeful.
I share these stories because as I began to release my identification and seeking of allies in the masculine, my Feminine allies grew stronger. These archetypal Feminine energies were granted access to my being, and I opened my Heart and my Hara to them in a way I had not done before, I learnt to trust the Sacred Feminine and even through her presence and guidance to begin to open myself and my being to the Sacred Masculine. This was and often still is a difficult journey. I had lived most of my life alternating between states of wounded feminine and wounded masculine, I had not yet truly met the Sacred Masculine within myself, and I am still working on allowing this energy greater access to my being. Isis guides me in this, she shows me a powerful river that runs within me, like the Nile. She teaches me how the Sacred Feminine is the water, and the Sacred Masculine is the banks of the river. Without the banks to hold and guide the water, it will spill, and its creative power will be poured out, dissipated and dried up. So we must allow the Sacred Masculine within us to hold and guide us so that our Feminine waters can flow and we can create the lives and worlds we truly want to birth.
The Creatrix Muse guides us back into an ever-deepening and unfolding relationship with our sacral centre, our Womb, Hara, the centre of creation, our centre of connection where we are able to awaken and birth the lives and worlds we dream of into being. But this awakening and ability to truly dream our worlds into being requires us to investigate those Womb Wounds and how we have energetically aligned ourselves and why. There is no harm in seeking alignment and allies within the Sacred Masculine, to do this consciously and from a place of power and awareness is necessary for us to create balance and step fully into a more sovereign and less reactive fear-driven state of being. When we seek to deny our Sacred Feminine and align with the wounded masculine & feminine, seeking allies in a patriarchal realm that is barren of the Sacred, we damage this centre and undermine our power.
When we allow ourselves to be guided by the Creatrix Muse and bring our sacral space into balance, we access a sense of emotional stability and creative flow. We connect with The Creatrix within us easily and confidently and allow this aspect to take the wheel and guide our waters so that we can flow strong and free. We feel sensual and connected to ourselves and those around us. We are able to identify our desires and feel empowered to act on those desires without guilt or denial of self. We move gracefully through our lives with a sense of emotional intelligence and an ability to experience pleasure. We are nurturing to ourselves and others and capable of setting healthy boundaries. We are able to accept the need for and have the ability and flexibility to change. The sacral space holds incredibly powerful Sacred Feminine energy, and accessing this is vital to creating the life of our dreams.
Here are a few suggestions for practices that can assist in Healing and Awakening the Creatix Power of the Sacral Centre:
Receiving the Rite of The Womb - THE RITE OF THE WOMB was gifted by a lineage of women through the Spirit of the Amazon to a Female Shaman who became responsible for sharing it. The gift of this Rite belongs to every woman who feels called to receive it. Together we form a lineage of women who remember that we did not come to suffer in this life, but to be the creatrix of our deepest longings and destinies. If you feel called to receive the Rite please book a connection call.
Practice Yoni Steaming to clear the energetic womb space and connect with you Hara and your Sacral Centre, if you are new to this practice there is some info here: https://www.thealchemymovement.com/post/the-what-why-how-of-alchemy-ascention-yoni-steaming
Create a forgiveness ritual to release any deeply held pain, suffering, victimhood or trauma from your Womb or Sacral Centre.
Connect with your menstrual blood, our blood holds incredible life force and is full of nourishment for the Earth so if you are still blessed to have your monthly bleed, work with your blood - gift it to the Earth, use it in a facial, paint or create with your blood, it is sacred and beautiful and never something to be hidden, denied or shamed. Connect with your cycle and listen to your body as it moves through the month.
Engage in anything creative that gets your juices flowing, whether it be art, music, writing, dancing or some other form of movement, allow creative energy to flow through your being.
Spend some time understanding your boundaries, acknowledge where they are weak and take gentle loving action to strengthen them and release any shame, guilt or victimhood around doing so.
Spend time in and with water, and when you do give love and appreciation to your body, speak loving words into your body and feel the water cleanse and wash away any negative emotions or beliefs you hold towards your body.
Work with meditations to clear and release trauma and density from the sacral space - there are a few for you to download at the end of this article.
Acknowledge and release your guilt - guilt creates density and disfunction in the Sacral Centre so sit with your guilt and lovingly bring it into the light to be released, it does not serve you or anyone else to carry it - join one of my monthly gifted Full Moon Fire Ceremony Circles and release your guilt through a fire ceremony https://www.thealchemymovement.com/alchemy-events-retreats
Make Love - Engage with your partner or with yourself if you don't have a partner and enjoy your sensuality and sexuality and the creative power that lovemaking and orgasm holds.
Connect with things, people, and places that bring you joy - sit with what joy means to you and how it is expressed and felt in your being. Use some meditation time to truly feel into your body and being and figure out what joy means to you and how it manifests in you, you may be surprised at what you find,
Honestly, I could keep writing on this subject for days, there is so much power here for us to uncover, so many beautiful ways to heal and reawaken the power of our Hara, so many deepening points of connection and compassion for ourselves and others that can be birthed through acknowledging and healing our collective Womb-Wounds, but I will leave it here.
If you feel called to this work, please book a connection call with me and click the link below to download the gifted Alchemy Sacral Activation meditations.